A Day in the Life. Sometimes.

December 2005

A typical day. I worked till 5:00, went for a run, ate supper by myself, and did whatever I did before I had children as I waited for my husband to get home anytime after 10:30.

A typical night. Phone rings around 9:30, the husband asking if I wanted him to pick anything up on his way home tonight.

10:45.

11:00.

Strange, it seemed he was planning to be on time tonight. Guess I'll turn the scanner on and see if anything interesting is going on.

Ok, lots of radio traffic. Perimeters set up? Lots of codes that I was unfamiliar with, but it was clear that something big was happening. I settled into the couch and listened to everything, trying to figure out what was going on. I had clearly missed the initial call, but maybe I could figure out what was going on by listening to the follow up.

By 2 or 3 am I was worried sick as I dozed on the couch. Clearly something was wrong. Very wrong. When my phone wrang I answered it anxiously.

"It's me. I can't talk. I was involved in a shooting. I'm ok. I shot the guy. I'm going to be a while." Click.

I was unaware of what the past few hours were like for my husband. I was unaware of what he would be going through now. But I know that time seemed to freeze for me at that moment. Does this really happen to people 3 months into a career as a police officer? Yes I know you train and prepare for this, but you actually were in this situation already? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? Can I talk to anyone? I feel like I need to. What do I say? Am I allowed to say anything?

I called my parents. "My husband was involved in a shooting, I have no details but I called because I know you'll pray for us"

I called his parents. "Your son was involved in a shooting. I have no details, but I called because I know you'll pray for us."

A few hours later the front door finally opened. I was briefly given a few details:

"The car I took cover behind has 11 bullet holes in it. He shot at us probably 40 times before anyone could get a shot at him. I was finally able to get a shot. He's dead. I'm tired. Let's go to bed."

And so we did. Him asleep instantly. Me laying there picturing my husband being shot at.
Me filled with anger that someone would shoot at him and the other officers.
Me filled with relief that he was now home sleeping safely by me.
Me thankful that the 'bad guy' got what he deserved (I'm just being honest).
Me filled with pride that my husband did what he needed to do.

In the Line of Duty

Today my husband pulled out some paperwork that he wanted to fill out together. It's labeled confidential and will be put in his file at work in the case of his death in the line of duty.

Not exactly what I want to think about on a random Friday afternoon. And yet it is the thing I find myself randomly thinking about on nights that I allow myself to worry. There are nights I lie awake and think about what it would be like to have my doorbell ring in notification of my husband's death. I try not to let myself go down that path of thinking, and yet here these papers sit on my kitchen table demanding me to think about it. I feel like they are screaming at me "Look! This might happen to your husband when he goes to work tonight!" Not where I like to let my mind wander. Naturally I couldn't get through the questions and answers without tears. What starts out as hypothetical thinking all of a sudden starts to feel like planning.

But I plan on that envelope never being openned.

I pray that envelope is never opened.

In fact, I hope when he retires they give him that sealed envelope so I can put it through the shredder.

'Funny' Story

Once upon a time a husband brought home some little green peppers for his wife. The wife knew they were jalepeno peppers so they sat on the counter for a few days because she didn't know what to do with them. One day the husband told her - "those are bell peppers"

No, they sure didn't look like bell peppers. They looked like jalepenos.

They argued back a forth a little and then the wife finally conceded that maybe they were a different strand of bell peppers... since her husband brought them home, he should know!

The day came when the wife had so many tomatoes, and too much salsa already, so she decided to make spagetti sauce. She found a recipe and had all the ingredients on hand so went to town processing the tomatoes and adding all the spices. The recipe called for a bit of sweet red pepper, which she had. And why not add some green bell pepper too?

So she chopped up the peppers and cooked down the sauce. It finally came time for the taste test - it sure looked and smelled good!

HOT! Spicy spagetti sauce? She wondered what spice would make it so spicy. Oregano? Certainly not basil. Hmmmm, well she added a little sugar. Still spicy. She was pretty certain her daughter would not eat this sauce. Bummer. This was a lot of work!

Well the sauce was bagged up and put in the freezer, since all the canning jars were full of the million apples her husband also brought her.

A short time later the wife noticed her hand starting to burn. The feeling intensified and she immediately knew: those WERE jalepeno peppers!!!

Anyone want to come over for spagetti?

I Married a Cop

Ok so really I didn't marry a cop. I married a guy that I went to youth group with. We played basketball together. We went fishing together. We went running together. We drove around aimlessly. We sat and talked. We hung out with each others' families.

Then we got married.

We both worked 8-5. We got a dog. We took turns walking her every morning. We helped with youth group. We got together with friends to play cards in the evenings. We got together with friends and played basketball. We went water skiing at least once a week. We stayed up late watching tv. We slept in saturday mornings. We thought about buying a house.

But something was missing. We didn't want that for our whole life. So we moved. My husband went to school. I worked two jobs and gave plasma to make ends meets. We job hunted. We had no ties to live in a certain place so applications went everywhere. My husband got a job. We moved again.

We bought a house. We had a kid. We had another kid. No more 8-5. No more weekends. No more tv together. No more sleeping together. Sometimes a meal together. Lots of cancelled dates. I feel like a single mom most times.

I didn't marry a cop. But I am now married to a cop.

That's how I feel today. Sometimes I wonder what it was we thought was missing? Why did we give up a perfectly simple life for this? Did we lose more than we gained?

But I can't picture my husband doing anything but this now. It's his job, and it's our way of life. It's not easy. Sometimes I think "this is NOT what I signed up for." It isn't. This isn't what life was predicted to look like. But it's our life. We've chosen it for our life.

But I need my husband to know: I married you before you were a cop. I loved you before you were a cop. I love you now as a cop. But I love who you are as a man. You are more than a cop. You are an amazing husband and father, and that's what really matters in life. Right?

Bad Girl, Bad Girl Whatcha Gonna Do

"You're going to jail" the police officer said.
"But I just want a ticket" pleaded the girl.
"I'm taking you to jail" repeated the officer firmly.
"No, a ticket!" the girl exclaimed.

And with that the tiny brunette placed a hand on the police officer's chest and shoved him violently. As he fell backward in shock the girl stomped one foot and ran screaming away from the attempted arrest.

The boy picked himself up and looked toward the girl, face buried in the couch in an attempt to hide.
"I'm sorry Allie, I'm just pretending."

Apparently the dress-up cop outfit on her friend was a little too much for Allie to handle.

That or she's being charged with resisting arrest and battery to an officer.

My daughter - charged with a felony at the age of four.

Holding Hands with Jesus

One of Allie's favorite places to ask deep questions and explore her thoughts on life are in the car. About a week ago as we were driving she randomly says, "God didn't make the whole world in 7 days." To which I said that yes, He did. We went back and forth a little because she was adamant that it was just Too Much stuff and God would get tired, sweaty, and need a nap.... a perfect opportunity to talk about how awesome and amazing God is. And He did rest - on day #7!!!

That day we also talked about the Holy Spirit, and my hesitancy to explore these deeper, more complicated spiritual topics were again received and contemplated and explored by my daughter's inquisitive mind. I love that she questions things to no end, until she is satisfied that she understands and can accept the answer. And on the other hand accepts some things so matter-of-factly without questioning them. She is a girl who is going to know what she believes, why she believes and Who she believes.

That day when we got home she asked me as I pulled the car into the driveway if we could sit and "chat for a while." Of course! So she crawled into the passenger seat and there we sat chatting about God and heaven. We talk a lot about heaven - Allie is full of questions and thoughts as she knows that heaven is where her baby sister is waiting for her. Anyway on this day Allie wanted to pray, so that she could go to heaven too. I was honored to be there with her as she prayed:

Dear Jesus,
Please come stay in my heart forever.
I believe in You Jesus.
I want You to help me make good choices.
I want my whole family to know You too so that we can all live in heaven some day.
I want to see You in heaven.
I want to hold my baby sister in heaven.
I love you so much Jesus.
Amen

What an awesome day as a parent! I am so thrilled that Allie has made this decision!

Just this morning Allie was tucking her face into the neck of her shirt and whispering, I asked her what she was doing: she was talking to Jesus.
Later she was sitting in a chair with her hand over her heart, I asked her what she was doing: she was holding hands with Jesus.

I understand why children are so special to Jesus. How can you not be touched by their sincere and genuine love. I'm so glad Jesus loves my little girl and has chosen her to love Him like she does!!!

Off Duty

I know my husband doesn't like it when I say I can't wait for this dog to retire - but seriously look at this! It's crazy to think that the one thing this dog loves more than ANYthing is biting people!